Diversity is our strength except....
We've taken the C word out of C****mas'
In order not to offend anyone in this gloriously multi-cultural land The BOOT has decided to kick out the stereotypical C***istmas, more associated with biblical teachings, the patriarchy and white privelige and instead embrace a multi-cultural, humanist festival that welcomes all creeds, colours and fifty seven genders to the party.
...when it comes to buying presents for our diverse families. Once was it was presents for the boys and presents for the girls but now we have fifty seven genders to consider present buying becomes something of a head scratcher. What do we buy our pan-sexual, non-binary, transgendered, xirls and xoys? C....mas stockings?...Probably offensive! Anything from Father C...mas? 'Supporting the patriarcy.' Tucking into Turkeys? 'Meat is murder'
I say, you absolute rotters, it's that time of year again, so off you go to Lidl for your turkey twizzlers and bottles of cheap pop, leaving us bankers and our exremely rich foreign friends to plunder those Harrods Food Halls... yum yum!
I'm glad to say its been another beezer year in banking, bonza bonus's all round and beanos galore.
Now I'm back on my backside after that unprovoked attack on my way to the food bank I can once again settle down comfortably at my favorite Michelin starred restaurants and tuck into their festive fayre while you lot take advantage of Lidl's wizzard offer of four turkey slices and a bottle of washing up liquid in a buy one get one free deal. Enjoy rotters and have a happy one.
Watching The Queen's Speech? Xenophobic, racist, fascist and these days cuturally inappropriate. Happy C....mas everyone!
Bunter the Banker speak his mind:
YOUR CELEBRITY WEATHER FORECAST
"It's a very mixed picture. Black clouds over London, brown clouds over the Midlands and fuffy whites over country and coastal regions."
It's Katie Hopkins diversity doyenne and journalist.
"The only news you can trust"
Volume 11 Issue 11
100% pure malice
It's Brexmas -celebrate on page 2
Normans knob? Ooooh page 5
It's not a bugs life page 9
Down on the farm with Eddie Pigchickens page 4
The new Woodstock page 7
Boot up the Volume page 6
Your letters page 6
...and more, so much more
Updating - please check back soon 29/12/18