"ONLY 12 YEARS TO SAVE THE WORLD"
Who would have thought 'Daisy' is responsible for destroying life on earth as we know it. Forget asteroids. nuclear bombs and dire biblical predictions because it's Daisy and her windy pops that are reeking havoc on our climate and causing society's ever more rampant lust for vegetables and a way of life not seen since mankind arose from the primordeal stew.
It's a mantra not lost on the youth who already march to ban the use of fossil fuels and therfore aviation and cars, to say nothing of their warm homes and mummy's sticky chocolate pudding so often cooked with the aid if oil fired cooking appliances.
'The future of our planet lies in the paganisn and candlelight.' Says ex-public schholboy and left-wing agitator Tristan Eddington on his way in his private jet to attend a save the earth conference in Switzerland.
. 'Let wind will be our saviour, the sun our God and let us return to the carbon free caves of our ancestors where we'll hunt heretics and meat eaters while gathering carrots, cabbages and berries into hessian, fair trade bags.'
"The only news you can trust"
Volume 11 Issue 12
100% pure malice
Bunter the Banker speak his mind:
I say, you fellows, settle down, you're beginning to frighten the horses. How's a chap supposed to luncheon in peace if you keep cluttering up the streets with your frightful protests?
It might be okay for Johnnie gillet jeune to indulge in such tomfoolery over in gay Paris but here in London it's pretty poor form.
I mean what sort of example are we setting to Johnnie foreigner if we begin to copy Johnnie Foreigner and run all over the place with our placards ignoring the Police and generally getting in everybody's way, especially at lunchtime?
It's hard enough to book a table these days in any restaurant worth it's Michelin Stars and you and your giddy goating just makes it harder.
So, come on chaps, fair do's, us bankers have got to eat you know and your behaviour isn't making it a very enjoyable experience.
If you don't settle down whacks will be delivered in a series of six to the noisiet offenders. You have been warned you absolute rotters.
YOUR CELEBRITY WEATHER FORECAST
"It's going to be warm...growing warmer and growing warmer still."
Says 'green activist and climate expert: Harry H Korbett
It's Shimamatime on page 2
Through the eye of a poet - an ode on page 3
How to save the world - fab t-shirt offer -over 18's only - page 4
Da Vinci defrocked - page 5
Another old fruit falls from the tree page 6
Plus all your letters and more...much more.