HOW TO CATCH THE CORONA VIRUS
Medi-Net - specially developed by scientists at The BOOT to help prevent the spread of Covid number 19 (similar to Mambo number 5) but a little more infectious.
As the world searches for something to prevent the spread of this dreadful little tyke from China, so The BOOT got together with world renowned virologist Jing Jong Ping to help develop Medi-Net, a simple solution to a complex, world-wide problem.
All you have to do, while wandering around in isolation looking for something to do is take your Medi-Net and wave it around above your head in an effort to catch the vicious, viral vandal before it catches you.
Of course, as with all new technology, results aren't guaranteed and we take no responsibility for breakages or injury around the home as you whirl like a dervish in defiance of these demonic intruders.
Another world-wide BOOT exclusive:
"The only news you can trust"
Volume 12 Issue 10
100% pure malice
Suitable for all the family but please use responsibly in enclosed spaces.
Bunter the Banker speaks his mind:
Golly gosh you chaps what a palarva...all that panic buying!!
What were you thinking of?
Did someone mention famine?
We've never seen such nonsense, certainly not in the Harrods Food Hall; although there has been a bit of a run on the veal and venison vol-au-vent since the virus was announced.
But nothing like the madness you got up to with the loo rolls and hand wash.
Anyway, you rotters, settle down now because it looks like we're in it for the long haul, at least you are; me and my chums, are taking advantage of the time off and chartering a yacht to sunnier climes with a bevvey of busty beauties...social distancing protocols will of course be rigourously maintained.
So, toodle pip chaps, wishing you all the best. On our return we trust you will have re-stacked the shelves, swept all the floors and, as there's no traffic around, filled in all the damned potholes in our absence,
YOUR CELEBRITY WEATHER FORECAST
Somebody famous...but no idea who.
"It's going to be...something....very...something...err...cool."
.. before you get it!
"Death to America" page 4
The beauty of poetry page 3
An 'inmates' diary page 5
Winner,winner page 2
Your letters page 6
Celelebrities don't we just love them? Page 7
A kick in the head page 8
...and more, much more